[Memory recovered by L. Jordan from undisclosed DMLE source, 2017. The memory was altered by its source to conceal the identity of all parties; Jordan further redacted the transcript to conceal the identity of his source. Liberties were taken by the editor to include the names of those parties that are evident by context, and altered names were added for clarity. The following transcript records, then, a conversation apparently held in the DMLE in August 1992 between K. Shacklebolt, the source [REDACTED], and two other aurors [ALTERED 1 and 2].]
[ALTERED 1]: Fuckin’ shite is what it is –
[ALTERED 2]: ‘nough to hand in my badge.
[ALTERED 1]: You see this, [REDACTED]? They passed it. The buggers passed it. Amendment IV. Cuts off all our access to every magical polity in Britain.
[ALTERED 2]: And Malta. Don’t forget Malta.
[ALTERED 1]: Best we do forget Malta, more like. God forbid some loony doesn’t launch a class-d cartel over there, ‘cause who’ll be there to stop it? The local authorities?
[REDACTED]: Fuck this shite. And you see who signs off on it. Our own beloved department.
[ALTERED 1]: No respect for this office. No respect for the badge.
[REDACTED]: Politics, it’s all just politics. ‘Peace time . . . no attacks in five years . . .’ you know how long’s five years, Fudgie? Not a long fuckin’ time.
[ALTERED 1]: Load a shite.
[ALTERED 2]: Hey, Shack, you seen this? You seen this Amendment IV shite?
[Shacklebolt enters the room. He shakes his head and says nothing as he heads toward the teapot.]
[REDACTED]: The worst thing is our own leadership did this to us. Our so-called officers. DMLE approval, there it is right in the write-up. I tell you, I’m marching right in there and I’m handing in my –
[Shacklebolt slams door.]
SHACKLEBOLT: Arright, I’m going to tell you this and I’m going to tell you this once, now you lot listen to me. Who are you loyal to in this office?
[ALTERED 1]: Scrim.
[ALTERED 2]: Scrim.
[REDACTED]: [Pause] Scrim.
SHACKLEBOLT: That’s right. And has that man ever done you wrong, outside reaming your arse when you bollocks a routine biting kettle raid? Has he ever given you reason to question your loyalty?
[ALTERED 2]: Nah, not Scrim, no.
[ALTERED 1]: Never.
[REDACTED says nothing and stares at Shacklebolt, his arms crossed. He nods once, silently.]
SHACKLEBOLT: Now you listen close to this. Who’s name is on that paper? Who’s name co-signs this bill? Does it say Rufus Scrimgeour?
[REDACTED]: No it does not.
SHACKLEBOLT: Who’s name is it?
[REDACTED]: It’s Bones.
SHACKLEBOLT: Bones is right. This is Bones’s doing, not Scrim’s. And that means it’s Bone’s name, and Bone’s head, that’s on the line. So in a year, two years, when something happens in Mould-on-the-Wold, in Orkney –
[ALTERED 1]: Hogwarts –
SHACKLEBOLT: – or at Hogwarts, and our department isn’t there to intervene, to defend, to fix it, and local authority, whatever in fuck’s name that is, makes bollocks of it – that’s Bone’s head on the line, ‘cause it was Bone’s hand that co-signed those words of Fudge saying we’re no longer needed there. You follow now?
[REDACTED]: What’s it matter who’s heads up who’s arse if it makes the department look like shite?
SHACKLEBOLT: Because when the press and the rest of wizarding Britain comes for Bones, who’s next in line after the guillotine’s done it’s work? Who’s department is it? [He looks around the room. [Altered 1] nods, smirking. [Altered 2] opens his mouth to speak.] Don’t say it now, you know it. So you stay loyal to the right people and you watch things move along. Let him make his noise if he needs to. If he wants public words against Bones then so be it. Not you. Not me. Britain wants us loyal, the Ministry’s brave boys fending off the forces of darkness, taking orders from the warriors – not making noise about binning badges ‘cause we don’t like the lady in charge. No, you lot shut up and act the martyr. Take a hit for a year or two and you’re going to see new policy on this level. New funding, new resources. You lie low, know your loyalties, and don’t make trouble.
[Pause.]
[REDACTED]: And what if it don’t work out? You think of that? What if there en’t shite to do now that our polity’s all taken away, and we’re just sitting on bum leads to Yugoslavia, fighting ghosts? What’s gonna come along that stops Bones marching right on in to the Minister’s office and bins the whole department on a crime-free Britain ticket?
SHACKLEBOLT: [Shaking his head] Just you wait. Didn’t I tell you that already? Wait and see. You think in one year, two years time, some something won’t come? It’ll happen, maybe in Godric’s, maybe in Ireland –
[ALTERED 2]: Hogwarts.
SHACKLEBOLT: – maybe at Hogwarts. It’ll happen. And if it doesn’t happen – we can make it happen.
[REDACTED]: I don’t like it.
SHACKLEBOLT: You don’t have to like it. All you need’s to sit and wait and watch.
[Pause. [Redacted] and Shacklebolt glare at one another.]
SHACKLEBOLT: Get back to work. There’s still crime in London if there isn’t in Hogsmeade. I want coordinates on that ferret ring by closing. And refill that kettle, [Altered 2]. No excuse for an empty pot at tea time.
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